It's that time again. The TV Detective World Series is heating up nicely, with the results of the opening round starting to come in already.
This time...
Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad goes up against Brother Cadfael in this trans-atlantic time-shifting face-off.
Round One - Having a sensible haircut.
Too often in the world of TV Detection does solving a case hinge on the details, and good grooming is a sign of a meticulous nature. A good start for Drebin, as his no-nonsense straight back and sides side parting is probably the only thing about him that is sensible. Drebin relaxes and looks around for someone to offer him a cigarette so that he can reply "Yes, it is".
But what's this? Sporting a traditional pudding-bowl haircut that was a sign of no nonsense functionality at the time, Brother Cadfael might just pip Drebin to the post. Only time will tell...
Round Two - Tact
Straight and to the point Drebin can hardly be accused of being tactful, whether he's shooting first and asking questions later or simply consoling a widow with the words "I'm sorry, we would have been here sooner but your husband wasn't dead then", Drebin is everything but tactful.
Cadfael on the other hand is a monk, a man of quiet reflection and spiritual calm. He is softly spoken and considerate of others, lending a caring word wherever it is required. A good show for the God-fearing ex crusader.
Round Three - Knowledge of Herbology
Drebin can't catch a break in this match, and his frustration is starting to show. Not wanting to be outshone, he tries to make a soothing poultice out of some nettles and a few blades of grass but just ends up stinging himself. It's frankly embarrassing.
Cadfael on the other hand is an expert in herbology and frequently uses the knowledge to identify poisons and foul play. He deftly demonstrates this by rubbing two sticks together and creating a functional cure for motion sickness. The judges are impressed.
Final Round - Being a 12th Century Crime Fighting Benedictine Monk
Drebin has given up. He gets back in his car and, in reverse gear, drives 'back to the station'. For him this fight is over.
Cadfael can't believe his luck! Being a 12th century crime fighting Benedictine Monk is what he is best at! Like a good sport he offers a wave of apology at his own good fortune, and even offers Drebin a cup of herbal tea to show there are no hard feelings. Drebin just shouts "yes, it is" from his car and carries on his way.
So there you have it. A slightly one sided draw of rounds, but as ever you are the judges! Voting closes in one month's time.
Fancy more medieval murder mystery? Head this way.
Next time...
